The One Year Exit Plan

I've been contemplating asking my boss for a raise. I'm bitter about not being heard or acknowledged at work, and at the same time, I don't think I actually deserve a raise-I'm not valuable enough to be recognized. I feel like my input is always ignored. But I know these feelings. I've had them before. If I don't do something about these limiting beliefs now, they'll follow me everywhere I go...

In our practice, we focus a lot on transforming negative thoughts into positive beliefs. Your negative beliefs are habits you've learned through the years. So guess what? Because they're habits, you can change them, usually in 30-40 days! All it takes is the willingness to stay committed to a simple process through completion.

Part of our Whole Life Assessment program is to help you remove these negative thoughts and replace them with positive beliefs. In an immersion program such as ours, this is critical since it paves the way for compounding reinforcements of your positive self.

Here's how it works:

1. Write down you negative beliefs
2. Find evidence of this belief in your life today (this is critical-it helps you recognize it in the future)
3. Write down a POSITIVE OPPOSING belief, even if you don't yet believe it of yourself
4. Find evidence of this thought or belief in your life today (or imagine it if not present!)
5. Immerse yourself in this positive thought or belief (Create pervasive mantras: repeat, record, remember... using whatever medium or skill works best for you-one client made it his password!)
6. Snap, stop and switch (Upon recognition, STOP negative self-talk and replace with positive thought or behavior)

Here's an example of "POL" in action, from a recent client session.

... I'm not valuable enough to be recognized.

OK. Let's go there. What are you afraid of around not being acknowledged or recognized?

That I don't matter.

Say more. What's important about thinking that you don't matter?

That my life is a waste I time. That the world will go on so me. That  I will be left behind.  I'm afraid I don't matter.

That's a lot of baggage to carry (for all these years...) What evidence do you have in your life today that you don't matter?

Um, isn't that delving into negative stuff? I want to STOP thinking this way, not remember it.

Actually, you WANT TO REMEMBER so that you'll recognize it in the future. The best way to get rid of a bad habit is to STOP the behavior upon recognition. Now, where do you see this bad habit in your life today?

Well, I yell at work in order to be heard. My speech is convoluted (I over-explain things). My ideas are ignored.

OK, what opposing positive thought would mean the opposite of "I don't matter?"

Um, "I matter?"

C'mon. Go deeper than that...

I am important. I have something to offer. I am important and valuable... But I really don't believe this of myself...

Doesn't matter. Whether you believe or not, you'll soon find out that regardless of your belief, you behave in "I matter" ways more often than you think.

OK, I have the potential to be a valuable empl-

Eh, nope. No "potential." Speak in "now" terms. How about: "I am important and valuable right now?"

OK.  I'll take that.

Great, now what evidence of this new belief is there in your life today?

You gotta be kidding me.

No, seriously. It's easier than you think. What evidence is there today that you are important and valuable right now?

That my wife loves me?

What else?

That people come to my parties. Let's see... that people attend my workshops. That my boss recently told a colleague that I was good for the XYZ job because I'm a self-starter... That my boss's boss finds me necessary...

Fantastic!

Wow! I didn't know that stuff was back there!

You see how your behavior is masked by your beliefs? Now all we have to do is dive into this new positive belief "I am important and valuable right now" pervasively for the next 30-40 days and any other time upon recognition of that negative "itch". If you were picking your fingers, the key to stopping is to first avoid the urge or pick and, second, to STOP IMMEDIATELY if you notice yourself picking. Negative thoughts are just like any other habit.

This particular session took about 5 minutes. In our practice, we usually help out clients through 3-4 or these statement reversals as well as help design a structure that will help them repeat these statements consciously for 30-40 days. 

This particular client chose to build a "rosary" bracelet of ten beads and repeat this (and other positive mantras) 50 times each day. That's a small investment for the benefits you'll reap.  Every time she felt the tug of her negative thoughts, she'd simply hold her bracelet with her opposite hand and repeat softly her positive beliefs.

In time, you'll begin to recognize more and more of your positive behavior and thus, reinforce your positive beliefs.